Mike Parnaby
Huascaran Heights

February 14th
16:06:49 GMT
View From The Summit
Chop, chop, chop!

News comes from Huascaran Heights of the release of three players as manager Parnaby swings the axe! Parnaby told the waiting journalists, “While we do not have the strongest, biggest or prettiest squad in the league, we do not want to be carrying any dead wood through the season. So I have opted to trim the squad down to the bare minimum by releasing Mick McCarthy, Phil O’Donnell and Frank McGarvey. All three had been transfer listed but with no offers coming in I have had to take the difficult decision to let them go. We thank them for their service and wish them well”. The players had mixed responses to say the least. McCarthy was furious and said “I have never felt so betrayed and humiliated”. O’Donnell was more understanding and told us, “Yes, I can see where the club is going and while I felt I still had something to offer I respect the gaffer’s decision and wish the lads well”. McGarvey was relieved more than anything. He told us, “I knew I was not going to play this season and knew also that my time was up so in many ways I am happy and I want to thank the boss for letting me go on my way with some dignity”.


Stewart Miller
Teddybears F.C.

February 11th
12:35:37 GMT
The Bear Essentials
Issue 96: Pre-Season Completed

I'm bringing you this week's Bear Essentials from the open day at the club's training complex where I'm hoping to catch up with all the latest excitement surrounding the pre-season events. I'll just wander over and see if I can catch a word with The Gaffer and Juke Box.


"Hello, hello Gaffer! The new season is upon us at last and the club has been busy over the last few days making their final preparations. I hear we have a new skipper, not looking at anybody in particular!"


"Aye, Jukey had a great season and he has such a positive influence on the team that offering him the captaincy seemed the natural thing to do."


"Well it certainly appears to be a popular choice with The Bears. Gordon, what was your reaction when The Gaffer asked you to be our skipper?"


"Aye well, ah wis shocked at first. But ah knew just whit a great honour it wis tae be asked, so ah gladly accepted."


"Do you think the added responsibility will affect your game?"


"No, no really. Ah've always been one tae encourage the lads on the park and me and The Gaffer get on well, so it'll just mean that I'll have tae make sure that the lads are carrying out The Gaffer's instructions to the best of their ability during the game."


"Thanks Gordon. Gaffer, you've signed Kevin Thomson on a Bosman and young Stuart Munro from the academy. Any more signings to come before the season starts?"


"I'm happy with the squad, but you can never rule out any last minute deals."


"Thanks Gaffer, now let's's Thomas Buffel. Thomas, a new role for you this season, I hear. Does that excite you? Are you worried that the 'Maverick' role will probably reduce your playing time?"


"Yes and no! Yes, I am excited, and no I not too worried. Gaffer and I talked about it. The role suits The Gaffer's priorities and playing philosophy. Gaffer likes the cups and he also likes to rotate his attackers, so I don't think not playing quite so much in the league will be a big problem and the thought of becoming a superstar is very appealing. Good for international prospects, yes?"


"Yes indeed, Thomas..........ah, here's Dado Prso. Dado, a quick word if you don't mind. The Gaffer has given you your 'Swansong'. What are your thoughts on that?"


"I talk long with Gaffer about my future. you say...getting on a bit? I have had great time at this great club but I would like to return home to Croatia next year and take things a bit easier, so when Gaffer suggested I be club's 'Swansong' I was very happy. Hopefully, my last season at club will be very good, like last season."


"Thanks Dado. Well, that's all we have time for, unfortunately"


Till Next Time....Enjoy the Pre-season friendlies!


Mike Parnaby
Huascaran Heights

February 10th
11:40:44 GMT
View From The Summit
New team mates!

Everyone thought that the preseason dealing was done at Huascaran Heights and the squad was settled, at least until the season proper stared. But no, we were all wrong. Aberdon FC made an attractive offer for Johan Mjallby which the board was torn about. Huascaran would get two players in return, both of whom would be first team starters, but they would lose a top player. In the end, the decision was left to the player and he decided to move on and play in a higher division before he retires. Of course, the board, management and supporters wish Mjallby well in his future career and the red carpet is laid out for Andy Consodine and Craig Storie who join the squad for training.


Mike Parnaby
Huascaran Heights

February 8th
16:08:03 GMT
View From The Summit
Building work complete.

With great ceremony, the new stadium is now complete and ready for action.

Until today, the highest stadium in the world was the Estadio Daniel Alcides Carrion used by Union Minas at an elevation of 4,380 metres above sea level.

Our new stadium is well up the Huascaran mountain and has an elevation of exactly 5,000 meters above sea level. It is located in a col between the twin peaks of Huascaran and the stadium has its own nickname copying that of that col, La Garganta.

Visting teams can use the helipad outside the stadium but visiting fans are advised to set off early! The journey to Peru is bad enough but then they have to battle through Peru's poor transport system to get to the tiny village of Musho. The final part of the journey, on donkey, takes a further 7 days  to complete! Supporters trying to make the round trip should take at least a month off work for the travel and a further month of to recover from the local cuisine.

A word of warning to visting teams. The summit of Huascaran is the place on earth with the smallest gravitational force. Teams using long ball and early crossing may find that the ball just does not come down as quickly as normal. Players seeking to win free kicks by diving will not need a slow motion replay to display their cheating as they too might take a while to land!  

Welcome, one and all!


Brian Beerman - Old Colony F.C. - February 9th - 16:26:56
Nice write up, Mike. I look forward to taking the Quaffers to La Garganta some day. We'll be sure to make
preparations well in advance.
Ellis Simpson
Elana Torun

February 8th
16:02:22 GMT
Poles Apart
Where did the preseason go?

it seems like only yesterday I could access a menu option for pre-season - now it has gone. Can anyone help? How do I assign special abilities, and set up my CP purchases?


Ellis Simpson - Elana Torun - February 8th - 16:04:45
Scratch that. Found the link hiding in plain sight - though that's not the way
it worked yesterday!
Ellis Simpson
Elana Torun

February 8th
15:54:53 GMT
Poles Apart
Team You Most Like To Beat

Elana were voted "Team You Most Like To Beat" in their division. Is that a compliment? 


Ellis Simpson - Elana Torun - February 11th - 06:44:48
Brian Beerman - Old Colony F.C. - February 9th - 16:24:11
I admit being a little envious of this honor, Ellis. I believe the Quaffers came in a close 2nd to the Saints. Still
hoping to win this one someday.
Roy Rolsten - St Pauli Pirates - February 8th - 22:43:33
Yes it is and as I failed to get relegated this season I immediately offered Elana a
friendly just so we could beat you.
Mike Parnaby
Huascaran Heights

February 5th
17:27:18 GMT
View From The Summit
Bang...another trade!

Well that did not take long!

Huascaran trade away their surplus goalkeeper Andrew Ward and bring in the talented Dimitri Payet to add flexibilty to the attack.


Adam Meney - Sitan Dama - February 7th - 13:49:04
Welcome Mike!!!! Great to have you here.
Im sure it will not be long before we see
your name on some trophies.
Mike Parnaby
Huascaran Heights

February 5th
15:06:49 GMT
View From The Summit
First signing proper!

Well, it is hardly a massive piece of news, but Joey Jockson has signed for Huascaran Heights. The young defender was surplus to requirements at his old club and manager Parnaby swooped in to grab his signature.

Parnaby said, "This is a really exciting young player who fits the dynamic of the club and will be a part of my plans for the next few years to come. We are delighted to have him on board and if his attitude to matches is the same as his attitude to training, we have bagged a superstar of the future".

Jockson was equally enthusiastic saying "I am well chuffed to be joining this new team and I feel like I have come home. I hope to make a real contribution to the development of the team and hopefully I will be the first of many new signings!"

The management of the club is now focused on getting rid of the dead wood in the squad and improving the overall standard of the players on the books. New players WILL be coming in and in turn, other players will be leaving teh club, either through trades, sales or simply being released to find a new club. Two players have already been transfer listed and the manager has highlighted several more that simply don't fit into his future plans. 


Roy Rolsten
St Pauli Pirates

February 3rd
01:04:43 GMT
The Pirate's Roar
It's a Passing Phase

Last season's 8th place finish meant a tense relegation play-off battle to stay in the top flight. But we came through with flying colours.

The highlight of the season was our Manager Cup run knocking out a number of Origin teams before losing to eventual winners the Teddybears in the semi-finals.

I also managed to top the prediction league (I did wonder why I had more CP left from last season + the regular pre-season gift of 10CP from Adam) and in the post-season awards we came away with 3rd place in the Evo Div 1 writers and were nominated as having the best away kit. The kits have been updated again, getting as close to the current FC ST Pauli strips as possible. There was one player award the Young Boot for Horst Haecks, which was a bit ironic as he was the only age 0 player I trained up. This season (I know I said the same thing last season) I need to train up more youth as we're currently the eldest squad in the division.

Fingers are crossed we can finish above the relegation places this season.


Did I mention I have 4 Passers this season?... 


Mike Parnaby
Huascaran Heights

February 1st
18:13:34 GMT
View From The Summit
Huascaran take a risk!

The board of directors at Huascaran Heights have appointed Mike Parnaby as their new manager, after taking over the Selick United set up and moving the whole lot, lock, stock and barrel to Peru!

Mike said "I am looking forward to this new challenge, but this rarified air in the mountains is playing havoc with my lungs! First order of business will be to get the squad numbers up to scratch and see how things operate here. Then we will try to push on and develop a winning team. Trouble is, the team cook keeps trying to pass off fried guinea pigs as chicken, and the lads just are not happy at all. We need to get a new chef and quickly".

The chairman moved quickly to install a new chef armed with various publications from Delia Smith, The Hairy Bikers and Jamie Oliver!


Stewart Miller - Teddybears F.C. - February 2nd - 09:24:47
Nice debut piece, Mike. Welcome to The Manager.
David King - Unsporting Lisbon - February 2nd - 00:40:53
Welcome Mike. Hope you have a good season.
Paul Roseblade

February 1st
15:18:04 GMT
The Shagger
The New Season

So we look ahead to a Division that we lasted only 1 season in 3 seasons ago after being relegated from Division 1 and then straight away into Division 3. Division 2 has not been kind. But we will look into the eyes of fear with trepidation and a lack of confidence and see what becomes as the season unfolds :)

2 good GK's to keep the goals out (famous last words. 

DF is average, but with the Kevin Keegan approach this season of you score 4 we will score 5, it should make for some interesting games. 

MF is not so great. Jeremy Harev joins as the new MF Bosman and hopefully will eventually boost this area. I would like this to be stronger but a lot of Longball this season may mean a few seasons of bypassing the MF. We are not taking the Pep approach of Ball Control. 

FW we are looking good. Gruber is the new "Maverick" and Sunserson on his Swansong boost the numbers upfront. Murphy and Joiner hot on their heels. So fire it up Wimbledon style and pray that the new boot sponsorship deals they are on come to fruitition. 


Stewart Miller
Teddybears F.C.

February 1st
12:44:56 GMT
The Bear Essentials
Issue 95: The Awards Ceremony

The annual league awards ceremony has just ended and I'm waiting for the excitement to dissipate a little before taking the opportunity to chat with our award winners. The good news for Bears everywhere is that Teddybears' players featured quite prominently this year.


I'll just see if I can catch the eye of the skipper who won the "MOM of The Year" award. Dado.....Dado, a quick word if you please. What does it mean to you to win this award?


"Oh...I'm delighted. It was unexpected, that's for sure, but a great honour, both for myself and for the club. The ideal way to end what has been such a fantastic season for me."


Thanks, Dado. I'll leave you to enjoy your celebrations. Now, here's a couple of young men who have come up through the ranks, fought their way into the Gaffer's first team squad, and now find themselves honoured by the league. Tony and Peter, many congratulations.


"G'day there! Yeah, wonderful for me to win the "Young MOM of the Year", you know. Like a dream come true. I thought gaining a league winner's medal was really something but this is a real bonza!"


"Aye, and what he said! "Young Gloves of the Year"? Jist couldnae believe it. Incredible end tae an incredible season."


Thanks guys. Gaffer....Gaffer, a quick word if you please? What a great night for the club!


"Aye, it certainly was. As I heard Peter just say, an incredible end to an incredible season. I'm really pleased for Dado, Tony and Peter. Their awards were well deserved."


Too true, Gaffer, but what about yourself?


"I'm extremely grateful to all those who voted for me. It was a real honour to pick up "The Press Writers Award." I was also really chuffed for the club to win the "Best Home Kit" for the first time. I didn't expect that as we are a bit handicapped by tradition demanding that we have a plain light blue shirt as our first choice kit so it limits what the designers can produce. I'm glad this season's design was so well received."


Many thanks, Gaffer. I'll let you return to your celebrations.


Well, Bears, that really is it for Season 38!


Till Next Time..........May Season 39 be just as successful for the Teddybears!


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