Stewart Miller
Teddybears F.C.

June 28th
10:17:38 GMT
The Bear Essentials
Issue 82: Season 37 Review

Welcome, Gaffer, to our Season 37 review edition. Presumably you are delighted with how the season turned out for The Gers.


"Aye, most definitely. If you'd said at the start of the season that we'd lift both cups I'd have bitten your hand off!"


Yes, it was an excellent finish to a successful season although the league championship still eludes you. Were you disappointed to finish runner-up for a third time?


"Obviously yes, but overall I was more than satisfied with the team's achievements."


There were a lot of successes on the park for us this season. Who really impressed you?


"I think Juke-Box had an outstanding season and fully deserved his Player of the Season Award, and his two goals in the final won us The Manager Cup. I'd also like to give a special mention to Michael Mols who has been a great servant to the club over the years. He had a fantastic 'Swansong' season and his hat-trick in our last home league match will live in the supporters' memories for years to come."


I'd certainly echo these sentiments, Gaffer. What about the defence's performance?


"Although there were no standouts, I think the defence performed well as a unit."


Were there any disappointments at all?


"Aye, for some reason our two GKs had a miserable season, with neither featuring in the Golden Gloves table, which is quite remarkable given the season we had."


Yes, that was a mystery, rather like last season when Klos scraped in at No.9. How about the new recruits and the youngsters who were bloodied?


"That was one of the really pleasing aspects of the season for myself and the coaching staff. Robertson, Gough, Moore, Spackman, Arteta and Stein all performed admirably to become first team regulars which will stand us in good stead for next season."


Time has run out once again. Many thanks for your insight Gaffer.


Till next's still not too early to renew these season tickets, Bears.


Roy Rolsten
St Pauli Pirates

June 25th
13:30:19 GMT
The Pirate's Roar
Season Review

It was a decent season for the Pirates and certainly an enjoyable one with a chance at title glory still within our grasp going into the final 8 games of the season. But then we hit May. First we were knocked out of the Manager Cup by the Teddys, then they beat us in the league. This was then followed up with losses to Leicester and Asteria, draws with Tayside and the West Coast Raiders. By the time we were playing Sparta Partick in the final game of the season we were mathematically out of it (just) but could still influnce where the title went. Sparta won 2-1 deservedly (although one was a penalty) and took the title - well done Colin. A draw would have been interesting as Sparta would have been level with the Teddys on points, GD and goals scored! 

I said pre-season 4th would be a good result for us and that's where we finished. We didn't crash due to ageing but next season could be hard with currently no offensive players aged under 4. So a big thank you for Adam for running the show and to all my fellow managers for an enjoyable season.

Now like the rest of us we just wait for the boss to get the next season under way


Stewart Miller - Teddybears F.C. - June 26th - 13:51:27
Good season, Roy. At one point I thought you were going to take the top prize.
Sorry to start the run on the slippery slope!
Stewart Miller
Teddybears F.C.

June 22nd
16:27:24 GMT
The Bear Essentials
Issue 81: More Tales of the Unexpected

Welcome back Gaffer, I see you've got a bit of a tan. Lots of sunshine in the Western Isles?


"Not quite, a combination of  all elements! I stepped out of our hotel on the morning of day 1 to be greeted by black clouds, blue skies, sunshine and rain. Where else could you be but Scotland! "


Too true Gaffer! Your choices this week centre on our most bizarre, win, loss and draw in our five seasons, I believe.


"Aye that's right. I'm not talking about where the result goes against the dominant team. That happens frequently to every team. No, these are results which claim unique features or combinations. My first is our most bizarre win and I've chosen it because of the total number of goals scored. It came in our first season, Season 33, in the group stage of the inaugural Evolution Cup. We beat Scorpion 11-7. Not exactly your run of the mill score line. I don't know if it is a record for the number of goals scored in a game, but it must be close."


Yes, I remember that game. The shot count was 29-12 in our favour so even back then our GK's performances weren't great! What is your nomination for our most bizarre loss?


"There were quite a few contenders but I don't think the one I nominated last season was beaten this season just gone, so I suppose it still stands. I won't bore everyone with the details again but it was our 1-4 cup loss to Gotham Villains where the shot on target count was 5-6 but the worst chance of our shot scoring equalled the best chance of a Villains' goal."


That was a real sickener for the club and of course Villains played 10 aggressive and got the only penalty goal in the game. So to your choice of draw. Surely it must be one of the four 0% possession, penalty goal games you mentioned last week?


"Actually no! I think this season's 6-6 draw with Gotham City beats these. We started with a 10.0 to 5.2% possession advantage and were very comfortably 6-1 ahead at half time. So how on earth did we lose the second half 0-5? Totally bizarre."


Ah, I forgot about that one. Match 36 wasn't it? Another very costly bizarre result. As it turned out, even a 6-5 win would have given us the championship, and of course Gotham included the now expected penalty goal amongst their six.


Well, time has run out so thanks again Gaffer for your thoughts. I'll leave you to ponder your pre-season plans.


Till next time...............Remember to renew those season tickets, Bears.


Stewart Miller - Teddybears F.C. - June 26th - 13:53:24
No problem, Brian. Just tell them to drop my name at the entrance hall in the main
stand and I'll get them seats in the dug-out!
Brian Beerman - Old Colony F.C. - June 24th - 16:12:14
Stewart, I have a few friends who want to take in a game atIbrox. Any chance you can get them seats behind the old Gaffer?
Les Lithgo
Newkie Illuminati

June 15th
20:19:03 GMT
The Enlightened
Lucky Escape


This wasn't the season that the club or the fans expected. After a few seasons of relative success this latest season bordered on disastrous.

The players were reasonably well prepared. Funding was available. Skill and ability wise were on a par - or reasonably close with best clubs in the Division. So what went wrong?


Evolution Cup - Crashed out at the Group Stage losing all five games without scoring a goal.

Manager Cup - Slightly better (well couldn't be amy worse) Qualified through Group Stage but knocked out in 1st knock out game.

League - Finished 4th bottom but only by virtue of goal difference resulting in relegation play-off match.

Play-off - Good win against FC Glasgow (who were holding back key players for the Cup Final in their next match!) meaning survival - phew!


Our first half of the season was abysmal. In the league we only won once in the first fifteen. We did show some fight and character to survive at the death... although we acknowledge we had our share of luck.


We hope to get off to a better start next season - and will be hoping to take valuable lessons from this latest awful campaign. 


Les Lithgo - Newkie Illuminati - June 16th - 23:13:51
Too true Stewart... lets see what the new
season has in store for us :)
Stewart Miller - Teddybears F.C. - June 16th - 06:29:19
You didn't deserve to be in that position, Les, but sometimes the MRP just has to have it's fun with a
club. As I've said many times, any team can be relegated and any team can be successful.
Stewart Miller
Teddybears F.C.

June 10th
14:52:57 GMT
The Bear Essentials
Issue 80: Tales of the Unexpected

To celebrate the completion of five seasons The Gaffer has agreed to entertain us with a review of some of the more bizarre incidents that The Gers have encountered during that period. Gaffer, you've long bemoaned The Gers' 'luck' when it comes to conceding penalty goals, so what penalty incident have you chosen as your first tale of the unexpected?


"The Evolution Final was only the third game in our short history where our opponents have played 10 aggressive against us. We played 10 normal in all three games. There was one penalty goal awarded in each of the three games, and each time it was awarded to our opponents. I wonder what odds you'd get on that happening?"


Wow, in all three games? That's quite incredible! Have you not given other managers a big hint on how to beat us?


"Aye you could be right there. I was just astonished that it happened a third time."


The second category you've chosen is straight dismissals and you think that this example may well be unique in the history of the game.


"It happened in the third game of our first season, Season 33. We were leading Scorpion 2-0 when our GK, Andy Goram, was sent off in the 45th minute. Nothing unusual about that, you might think. However, his replacement, Stefan Klos, was then also dismissed before the game could restart! Has there ever been another instance when a team has lost two GKs in the same minute of the same game?"


Wow, I certainly can't remember one. I think I remember a team having two GKs injured in a game last season, but not in the same minute. The third tale you've chosen is that rare instance when a stalling team with virtually no possession or chances scores through a penalty goal to gain a result.


"This is something I first came across about three seasons ago when Asteria beat Newkie 1-0 in a cup game.  I remember being amazed because I didn't think it could happen. It has happened a few times since then but I don't remember it happening to a team more than once.....except, of course, to us. We actually haven't lost a game in such a bizarre way, but we've drawn four - one 2-2 and three 1-1s! Three of them came this season just gone."


Yes, I remember those Gaffer, two very costly league draws against West Coast and Leicester. Well, we've run out of time so enjoy the Western Isles and if you can get WIFI send us some more selections.


Till next time.....tune in next week for more of The Gaffer's 'Tales of the Unexpected'


Stewart Miller - Teddybears F.C. - June 16th - 06:35:11
Due to limited WIFI access the next Issue 81 may be delayed until late next week.
Brian Beerman
Old Colony F.C.

June 8th
01:19:01 GMT
Old Colony Tap
Season 37 Review

Old Colony FC returned to good form during season 37. The club struggled out of the gate in its first season in Division 3 in many years. As the campaign advanced however, the team found unity and were able to win ten of their final twelve league matches. During that great second half run, the Quaffers posted a relatively impressive +20 goal differential, and seven clean sheets victories. The club ended the season in second place, three points behind Divsion 3 champion Thames Ironworks, and earned automatic promotion back to Division 2. Old Colony scored a division best 45 goals, posted the best home record in the division (9-1-1), and had the best goal percentage (37.5%). 


A couple of Quaffers had memorable seasons personally. American midfielder Quint tied with Catalans keeper Davi for the most Man of the Match awards (4). Quint also ended the season in fourth place for the Golden Boot with nine goals. Fellow Italian midfield-attacker Vincenzo Coccotti earned third place in the Golden Boot race with ten goals. The Italian youngster also earned three Man of the Match awards. Old Colony saw a significant improvement in scoring compared to season 36, when the club scored only 18 goals in 22 league matches. This up tick in scoting can be seen with three players in the top ten race for the Golden Boot (Brazilian forward Raoul Silva ranked seventh with eight league goals). Ten different players scored at least one league goal.


Old Colony did advance out of group play in both the Origin Cup and Manager Cup. Unfortunately for the fans, the Quaffer crashed ou in the first knock-our round in each competition. The team lost 0-2 to Warley Bromwich Albion, a team that made it to the Origin Cup final (Orpington won that cup during a thrilling 5-3 cracker). Later in the season, OCFC was unlucky enough to draw rival Unsporting Lisbon in the first round of the Manager Cup. The two teams had met in group play, with the Lisbians taking three points on a 3-0 win. The rematch was a bit more exciting. After Unsporting jumped out to a 2-0 lead at the half, the club added a third goal in the 52nd minute. Unsurprising, Quaffers fans were looking as down as they had looked all season. The team showed new life with less than 20 minutes to play, as Coccotti and Silva both scored in three minutes. In the 76th, Silva sliced a shot from within the area, and American attacker Ned Logan hit the volley before the ball could touch the ground. The shot never had enough, and Lisbian keeper Boba Fett made the easy stop. The Quaffers were unable to make any further pushes after that. When the final whistle blew, the Lisbians walked off the pitch with a well earned 3-2 win. Once again, Old Colony fans have their dreams dashed by the lads from Unsporting. Some day Quaffers, some day.


All in all a great season for Old Colony. The team promoted, advanced out of group play in both cups, and made vast improvements in the attacking line without surrendering and strength in the defensive back field. Division 2 will be a dog fight in season 38 with clubs like Thames, Selick United, Sitan Dama, and Clarendon Park all vying for promotion to top flight football. Fans will remain cautiously optimistic after a strong season 37, with hopes the lads can put together back-to-back successful league campaigns. Good on ya, Quaffers!




David King - Unsporting Lisbon - June 8th - 10:44:22
Very nice, Brian. Well done.
And good luck for next season.
Stewart Miller - Teddybears F.C. - June 8th - 08:53:04
Great season, Brian! I knew your lads had it in them. See what a little bit of
belief can do. Next season, 'Keep Believing!"
Stewart Miller
Teddybears F.C.

June 6th
15:22:03 GMT
The Bear Essentials
Issue 79: Manager Cup Glory!

Many congratulations to you and the lads, Gaffer. What a wonderful way to end the season. You must be delighted. How about sharing your match thoughts. I'm sure The Bears would love to hear them.


"Aye, we're all absolutely chuffed! My thoughts? Well, let's see. I tried to work out what The Dons might do and agonised for some time over my choice of line-up and tactics. 4-2-4 would have meant an open game which would have suited our attacking style so I dismissed that. 4-3-3 was similarly dismissed and I settled on the 5-2-3 Aberdon used in their quarter final against MVV. I had toyed with the idea of using 5-2-3 myself but Spackman's injury the night before ended that possibility. I therefore went with our standard 4-2-4."


Yes, Gaffer, I think most of us expected that. However, you did surprise us by starting four at aggression "a".


"Aye, I didn't want to use any aggression as I feared that the MRP would shred us, especially after what happened in the Evolution Final! However, I was concerned that Aberdon would play aggressively and I didn't want to lose our possession advantage. I didn't think they'd go ten aggressive but it was very possible that they might go five, as they had against MVV in the quarter final. I therefore chose four aggressive specifically to counter that."


Ah, that's what was behind that decision. So what were your thoughts as the game began?


"Well, when I saw that Aberdon had gone all normal in a 5-3-2 formation, my heart sank. I desperately wished I could have hit a reset button to go all normal ourselves. There was nothing I could do so I just had to sit and watch events unfold. I was pleased with our initial possession advantage (8.2 to 2.1%). We were creating chances but not many were converting into shots, and those that did were being saved by Ward. On the plus side, the defence was doing a great job of protecting Woodsy and the big man was more or less redundant. All we needed was to score but 3 minutes from half time, the MRP kicked us in the teeth. Prso was sent off and Aberdon were given a penalty goal. No, I'm not going to say any more about that...."


After what happened on Friday night in the Evolution Final the bookies had stopped taking bets on Aberdon getting a penalty goal so not many were surprised, Gaffer. What about the second half.


"Again I cringed as some of my conditional instructions kicked in because we were a goal down and we went 8 aggressive. We didn't really need it as we still had the possession advantage without Prso. The second half followed the same pattern as the first and we just couldn't score. I thought it was going to be one of those days, then Dukey equalised after 72 minutes. Boy was I relieved! With 10 minutes to go, Aberdon pressed us, and our possession advantage just continued to rise as they tired. I thought to myself that surely, we must score now, and Juke-Box did two minutes from time. I couldn't watch the last two minutes as I was convinced that something terrible was going to happen."


Well, it didn't Gaffer, and the cup was ours! How did you feel when the final whistle blew?


"I think relief and elation in equal measures. I felt drained!"


Many thanks for your thoughts, Gaffer. Well Bears, The Gers have now joined that select band of clubs who have won The Manager Cup more than once. Can the Gaffer make it three next season?


Till next time...........Enjoy your close season and let's hope next season is as fruitful as this one!


David King - Unsporting Lisbon - June 10th - 07:05:29
Awesome season and team. Well deserved.
Stewart Miller - Teddybears F.C. - June 8th - 08:53:32
Thanks lads. Much appreciated.
Steve Allan - Aberdon F.C. - June 7th - 19:36:08
Well done Stewart, quite a team you have created.
Brian Beerman - Old Colony F.C. - June 7th - 19:11:02
Congratulations on your accomplishments this season, Stewart. Well deserved!
Jose Augusto
Orgullo Atlético

June 2nd
03:00:32 GMT
Pasión Colchonera
no no

I dont underestand, I not mach in schedule, and them, PUM, one play with Montevideo, for promotion, or those thing... I don t underestand... but I win... and now?


Jose Augusto - Orgullo Atlético - June 7th - 05:11:31
ok, well, see you in the next season St Pauli, jeje... you team is very good... I see
Brian Beerman - Old Colony F.C. - June 2nd - 22:30:11
Congratulations Jose.
Roy Rolsten - St Pauli Pirates - June 2nd - 15:42:48
Yep you're playing me next season
Jose Augusto - Orgullo Atlético - June 2nd - 13:00:51
oh, yes, thanks, but, I promoted to where? to evolution first?
Roy Rolsten - St Pauli Pirates - June 2nd - 07:49:36
You're promoted Jose! Congratulations. FC Glasgow lost their playoff with Newkie so they get relegated and you go up to join the big boys
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